#11: The Time Mom Locked Us out of the House

Most moms threaten any number of things should their kids act out, namely pain of death. You know, they brought you into this world, they can take you out. We didn't really get that one a lot. Ours were more labor related... doing everyone else's chores, running alongside the car because you started a fight on the way to Chuck E Cheese, etc. 

But. And I'm not bashing Mom here, that's the last thing I'd do. Partly because she reads this blog but also because the woman didn't even have to apply for sainthood, they just took a look at her credentials and shooed her in.


It was on a day probably 15 years ago, when we pushed her a little bit too far. We did it often, but this was the first and only time it garnered this kind of response. I think it was the culmination of several small things, mainly our ungratefulness, which spawned the swamp witch. She was making dinner (grilled cheese) and somewhere between the bickering and not doing what we were asked (WHEN she asked, that's her pet peeve), she snapped. Sent us all outside. Doesn't sound so bad, right, except she marched out with our cups & plates and announced we were eating outside tonight, and when we said thank you she turned around, marched back inside and over her shoulder yelled YOU ARE NOT WELCOME!

I can't convey the force with which that door slammed. Then she locked us out.

Dad was outside too. Not sure he'd done anything but ya know, you don't want to be stuck indoors with that.

It was one of those mommy moments I'm sure we will all think of in ten years and say OOOOH. SO THAT'S WHY. And I don't tell it to make her look bad, rather to show her enormous restraint. What a remarkable display of self-awareness, like I'M LOCKING YOU OUT BECAUSE IF YOU COME IN HERE, I WON'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT I DO. 

Not unlike the time Luke & Molly got into a knock-down, drag-out fight--(which happened often, for there is a tribe of antagonists somewhere out there and Molly was their queen)--and Mom, having gotten tired of it, locked them outside to have it out. I remember peering out the window thinking someone was going to die that day.

They didn't.  

As for dinner, I have no recollection of ever going back inside that night. Not that it matters. I'm sure we learned our lesson and never did it again.