#1-#7, summed up in one very Stillar Christmas

That's right, I'm cheating. 

The beauty of holidays with a swarm of independent adults is that memories and traditions tend to manufacture themselves, you just have to be paying attention. When viewing the world through a humorous (albeit cynical) lens, one always has a story to tell. Because who are we if we don't have stories? This year's holiday celebration was low on the late nights and illegal substances, probably because my nephews were around. Babies ruin everything, apparently. Though one thing that hasn't changed is the noise level -- consider it our contribution to the conditioning process wherein infants learn to adapt to and otherwise sleep through busyness and noise. It's our middle names, bitches! We don't HAVE inside voices. And Kyle, he never learned how to whisper. So those babies can get used to it, 'cause seniority rules.


On that note, some moments worth recalling:

5. Grace and I's spirited discussion as to which Beatles' song can most be attributed to "that one night, on PCP..." = Come Together and Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, to name a few.

4. Alex opening his favorite gift, a golf club that probably has a technical or more accurate term but I don't give a damn, it's a club. He had it in his hands the entire hour and a half we spent opening gifts, handing it off only to open another gift. People, it was the incarnation of the term 'a kid on Christmas morning'. He's 24. 

3. Some play football, others sing carols, but our newfound tradition is to shoot guns. At clay pigeons, for lack of any pictures of our ex-boyfriends. And the key word here is "at", as I believe most survived.

2. We didn't actually celebrate until the 27th, so on Christmas Day we went to the movies. Mom always makes Dad and I sit together because apparently we talk a lot. For the fifteen minutes prior we sat in the lobby discussing the best way to refill our one popcorn container and make it stretch across two floors/theaters. Because yes, we are unabashedly cheap. We learned it from my brother-in-law who, on his wedding anniversary took my sister to the local discount theater and brought his own popcorn.

1. Though we're older and arguably wiser, our ability to assemble for a family picture has rapidly declined. It's like herding cats, except these ones have attitude problems and don't know what it means when you say BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS. Sure they can. We do it all the time. Mom wanted an aerial shot, and thanks to my fixed zoom lens, I needed to be a solid 7'-8' above the tallest person in order to fit all 15 faces into the frame. This meant standing atop a ladder, atop the deck, and I got to thinking I have a strong case for increased life insurance. That was shot #1. Then we hustled to change into our new (matching!) shirts, and ran back outside. Only a snowball fight ensued, at which point Erica retreated indoors and Jaleesa walked into the firefight spouting threats turned promises once she'd been hit twice. I stood there yelling out one simple order: line up. In a straight line. You know, next to each other.

In order?

No.

Tallest to shortest?

No.

Oldest to youngest? Are you older than me... I don't think you are...

NO. JUST LINE THE @$#% UP.

Precious, right. Happy new year to YOU.