How to make a one-hour flight a fun-hour flight.

Robin and I fly to Portland next week to catch one of our favorite bands in concert at the Doug Fir. Having been roommates for a year now, we've developed a love/hate relationship that involves it's fair share of passive aggressive tendencies and a lot of wine. We fight like an old married couple - imagine the dynamic when you put us both on the same plane.

She proposed a roommate meeting last week to chat about said trip, because what happens if we board without knowing where the other prefers to sit and then have to stand in the aisle and fight about it? Except I don't have to ask in order to know she prefers the back: you can see everything from there. It's a control thing. Robin loves control, she'd never deny it. I love control too, but I've got nothing on her. Therefore it entertains me to no end, knowing it freaks her out to sit there and have the flight attendant sneak up behind her with the drink cart.

We've taken road trips, day trips, hiking trips, happy hour trips, but this is our first plane trip. Somehow my 20+ hours en route to London seems like cake in comparison to the airport shenanigans Robin is bound to cause. This is a woman who takes Wet Wipes with her wherever she goes, swears she will never have children, and who on the morning of my 25th birthday, walked out of her room in her bathrobe and said SINCE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU MY BIRTHDAY SUIT.

We had dinner last night and within minutes had taken to calling our whirlwind trip ANNIE & ROBIN STORM PORTLAND: CARPE DIEM, DAMNIT! A few brilliant ideas fresh from our noggins...

- Sit in the same row, at opposite windows, and talk over the four individuals + aisle between you. When they offer to move and allow you to scoot closer to one another, say MY, YOU ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS.

- Wear a mask and earplugs, and ask for a pillow and blanket.

- Every few minutes, inquire as to when the in-flight movie will begin.


- Speak in a British accent. The entire time.


- Turn to the person next to you and say YOU GOING TO PORTLAND TOO? HUH.


- Stand up and ask for a show of hands, who here is traveling for anything other than business. Just us? Really? Suckers.


We don't get out much.