I've been accused of using my feminine wiles to get what I want.

Until recently, I didn't know I even had those. Imagine my delight. This is what we call armed and dangerous.

I'm not one of those whose most exciting stories come from reporting the busted office equipment. But this particular instance happens to be a solid one, very much what a day in the life looks like. Consider this your window.

Today the copier/printer ran out of staples and refused to work. While I always knew it could staple, I never made the connection that the staples have to come from somewhere. I just assumed there were little elves who took care of it. I digress. Upon the absence of staples, the copier then ceased even to print the non-stapled jobs. Which, in my mind, makes no sense at all. (CANON! Do you hear me? Get it together!) Caused a major hiccup in the departmental flow. Replacing the staples means obtaining a special cartridge that, as it turns out, one person on campus knows how to install. Answer me this: if he were to be hit by a bus, where would that leave us?

SOL. Royally.

My co-worker and I executed as good a solution as we're capable of, only to have it break again. I attempted to remove the cartridge (and was planning to just blow on it, like we used to our old Sega tapes; sometimes ignorance is bliss) and in doing so, spilled the hundreds of staples all over the floor. I then slammed the copier door shut and began chattering to myself right as two students rounded the corner… two of my favorites...these two always travel in a pack, act as one another's proxy, etc. So they’re all WE’RE SENSING SOME TENSION and I said THIS IS WHY I DON’T WORK IN INFORMATION SYSTEMS and proceeded to stomp back to my desk (with them following after, saying OH IS THAT WHY...)

They said they had good news for me, and announced they'd be volunteering to work the Annual Hot Dog & Book Sale…I was all OMG, I LOVE YOU! CAN YOU RUN THE BBQ’S? and they said they’ll bring their bikini aprons. Then I asked if they actually know how to run the BBQ without losing any facial hair (or worse) and they said they’ll send me their references. Then I said CAN YOU ALSO HELP HAUL BOOKS and they were all WHAT? WHY? and I said it’s because they’re men = grunt workers. They needed to talk about it and proceeded to turn their backs and start talking like cavemen. Great. Just then another student stops by… I ask if he’s helping and he’s all WHAT? and the other two say IT’S GONNA BE GREAT, DOWN HOME SOUTHERN COOKING so student #3 says SOUTHERN COOKING?? WHERE?? And I’m sittin' there going NO, IT’S NOT SOUTHERN...NO…IT’S..IT'S THE HOT DOG SALE, RYAN and the two amigos first die laughing then hit the Easy button and let’s just say, I have about had it. Next kid to hit that thing gets a stapler to the forehead. And yes, I catch the irony.

However. I have proven once again that my feminine wiles do come in handy. We are going to have SO many volunteers. You can thank me later.